Dear Journal
by Samlicker91
Summary: Dean is writing a journal entry about what happened with Castiel. Fluffy Destiel.


Sammy said this would work, so hey, why not give it a shot? Though it does feel weird talking to a frickin' book, and I'm not much of a writer anyway, so...

Anyways, me and Sammy, he have this thing going. The family business. We hunt demons and monsters and anything that pus harm to our fellow Americans. If you're reading this, don't bother waiting for me to explain it any further or convince you or anything. I'm not writing this for you. I'm writing this for me, and I _know_ this is real. So go to hell.

We've had all sorts of trouble coming our way from demons to angels to _gods, _and for all I know, there's really nothing we can do to stop it except continue to hunt. So continue we will.

Truth be told, I've been in a kind of confused state for the past couple of weeks, and it's all thanks to that angel who threw his brain to the looney bin; Cass.

I met him at a very strange part of my life, and by strange I mean in Hell, being tortured by the High Inquisitor himself: Alastair. Just writing that name makes my hands tremble. He was a giant douchenozzle. 'Course, I don't remember anything about Cass, all he did was grab me and got me the hell out of Dodge.

Later he burned out my friend's eyes, shattered some windows, and tried to use me as a tool of war for God, but hey, he made it all up with the little things. I somehow ended up kinda liking the guy, and then to really like the guy.

The thing that I wanted to share with you.. uh.. journal.. thingie.. happened a couple of weeks back. I was driving up the highway all casual, going to nowhere, while Sammy was out doing what he does best: research on some backwater monster. The case was weird enough: blokes goes to have a bath, doze off and are in a dreamland where they get a back massage from a beautiful mermaid, and wake up riddled with disease.

Turned out to be a corrupted jengu living in some lake, by the way.

But back to the night I was driving alone. I had a few good miles between me and my target, and I was sleepy as hell. I was just about to fall asleep and drift to the other lane when Cass woke me up with a "hey." Damn near had a heart attack, but hey, the Impala's alright.

"W-what the hell, Cass!" was my first instinct, but I knew he saved me from my own idiocy.

"I apologize," he said, and looked at me worriedly. "Was I out of line?"

"Just surprised me is all," I said. "Thanks for waking me up, though."

"I have taken it as my duty to secure your safety," he explained himself. "And I have something I have to discuss with you, in private."

I'll admit I was a little spooked by what he said. I mean, when Cass wants to talk in private, it usually means business. I drove us to a rest stop with a small kiosk slash diner, so I could get some coffee and maybe a one of those double bacon cheese whammies they advertised just outside. It turned out to be delicious.

"So what's the deal?"

"The deal, Dean, is us," Castiel said. Straight to the point. "You know, bees are quite beautiful."

"Uh.. Yeah.. You're not.. wearing... any bees right now, are you? Wouldn't be the first time."

"Nothing like that, though it was kind of euphoric."

"Right. Carry on."

"Bees have beautiful stripes, and their arthropodian legs are among the most tasteful of insect appendages. They carry the pollen from flower to another and to their nest on their legs, you know? It's a no-brainer why 'bee's knees' has come to mean something of excellent quality."

I was getting frustrated with the guy to be honest. First he appears out of nowhere and almost gives me a heart attack, and now I'm sitting here on a biology lecture?

"I didn't come here for the _fascinating bee facts, all about bees 101, _Cass! What's the deal? No bees!"

"Well, it's really difficult to explain without bees, since it all revolves around bees so much, you know?"

"No."

"Well, what I'm trying to say is, humans are kind of like bees. Or that's my opinion at least. We, the angels, are very good at observing, taking notes. Scientific. But you humans, you... Make this world... Click!"

Cass made a wide circle with his hands when he said world, and after a short pause, he snapped his fingers on both his hands, and did a weird, fast hand motion. I just sat there, you know, with a frie hanging on the corner of my mouth. _He's insane, _I thought, but at the same time, I was pretty entertained.

"You're the bees, Dean! And that's... Simply astounding!" he stood up and gave me a hug, and sat back down. The hug left my guard open, it was warm, it was.. Angelic. It was a funny feeling, getting hugged by Cass.

I sighed deeply and lowered the burger I had in my hand. I just sat there, looking at Cass like he was a broken toy.

"I'm sensing you're feeling discontent," he said, and tilted his head like a confused puppy. I let out a scoff and looked away, because that was a defining moment that evening. He looked so... Cass. So innocent. His eyes were so utterly confused I just had to look away, lest I start feeling like I should pet him or something. It was toxic, and it was tearing my bad-ass away.

"You have no idea," I managed to mumble. I didn't expect to feel this way. I never planned for this.

"Of course, like I know the bees, I also know humans. I've studied you, and I've learned to truly appreciate you. I know a kind of a trick to make you feel better," he said, happy and fascinated by me.

"Yeah, and what's that?"

Cass made a sudden leap at me, and the frickin' a-hole planted a kiss on me. Yeah, that's right. This jerk-off angel took a go at me with his lips. You know already what happened next. I pushed him away, and drove back to town, and me and Sam hunted us some jengu. Never talked about it again.

I _wish _that's what had happened. It would be so much simpler.

Instead, I just sat there, and let him kiss me. On the mouth. With tongue, for crying out loud! It was so overpowering, I couldn't help it. But that's not what I'm most shocked about.

I wasn't prepared to feel... It. You know. The feeling you always expect when kissing someone _who isn't a dude. _Didn't expect to feel it at all. To be honest, the whole situation had me by the balls in a whirlpool of surprises, but this one surprised me the most. It actually felt pretty good.

Good enough for me to close my eyes, and take a dive into it. After a big, long, sloppy Cass-mouthing, he let go, and I sat there with a stupid grin on my face. It took me like a second or two to realize what had happened, and as soon as I did, I shook my head and did what I do best: blamed it on Cass.

Poor, poor Cass. He seemed so confused. He wanted to kiss me again, because he thought he did it wrong, and I was still upset. Had to explain to him that I was upset _because _of the kiss, not that he did it wrong or anything.

Cuz.. he did it alright.

I wonder if it would feel just as alright the second time, or if it was just the surprise?

So there. I'm not sure writing any of it down made me feel any less uneasy about it, but that's done. Now I can tell Sammy I did what he asked and wrote it down, _and no, you can't see it! _'Cause this one's for the good ol' me.


End file.
